It’s been awhile.

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I don’t know where to start or what to say exactly…

It’s my final year of my undergrad degree… It hit me last night that I have no idea what I am doing next year. No idea.

I think I want to get a job working in the field I am getting my degree in… and then decide from there if I want to move forward with getting a masters degree, or if I want something different all together. WHO KNOWS

I don’t know what I want… or who I am… or where I am.

I used to feel like I was SO proud of the person I was becoming. I would feel like I was finally “blossoming” (yeah I know — corny). Now I feel like I don’t know what direction I am headed in.

I miss xanga. I would be blogging more if it still existed.

This semester of university is insane, there is always something due, a test this week, a midterm that week, a paper due, and on and on and on. What is even more scary is that once I’m through all the papers and tests, life turns into something different altogether.

However, none of those things matter – all the papers, tests, exams… Relationships do matter. My relationships are failing I feel like. On a psychological level, and perhaps even a physical level, I am failing.

I don’t feel comfortable with who I am. Who I am becoming.

I don’t know what to do to even change that. It’s frustrating.

I’ve been working to change it, but I feel like some days I have hit a brick wall.

I’m motivated, hard-working, diligent, loyal and capable. I have no issues with university, it’s easy, just a balancing act. I can do that. But relationships, they are hard for me. In fact, they always have been. I am only now just realizing that. And it’s always been this way – even since I was little.

It’s funny… I am taking a personality of psychology class right now (which, it’s something entirely different than I thought it would be)… but statistically, people who are higher in neuroticism tend to have blogs. I think this post is a good example of neuroticism and the emotionality that goes with it 😉

I know things will be okay… but these growing pains are difficult.

Wednesday is my anniversary with my boyfriend of 4 years… My friend is getting married this upcoming weekend… This weekend is thanksgiving weekend here in Canada.

I am so thankful for my family, and the opportunities I have.

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6 thoughts on “It’s been awhile.

  1. I think everyone feels like that at one point in their life. But eventually, you’ll find your path and know who you are.

    Also, congratulations on four years with your boyfriend.

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