Princess

So, tomorrow my friend from university is getting married… shes a couple years older than I am and she’s completely ready to be married and undertake that responsbility… The only reason I say that is because more and more people that I graduated high school with are getting engaged, and even married. I cannot imagine getting married right now. 

My boyfriend and I celebrated 4 years together on Wednesday and I dont think I am anywhere ready or mature enough to even consider marriage. Sometimes that makes me wonder if perhaps I doubt the relationship? But.. I think that it maybe shows that I have goals I want to achieve and things I want to do before undertaking that role. 

I used to think I wanted to get married young…. Well, now I changed my views on that completely. 

But that aside, I am looking forward to going to the wedding tomorrow. I have my outfit picked out. I borrowed a dress from a friend. They got this dress in Paris and I absolutely love it. It’s black and has sort of an open back. The straps are very delicate and it frames my collarbones nicely how the neckline is. At the top theres also  tiny metal detailing… I dont really know how to describe it that well, lol. It goes to just above my knee, comes in at my waist, and looks so nice. I also borrowed some pink heels and some MAC lipstick (uh oh, I might have to get myself some MAC makeup…. which is not really something I wanna start…. but the lipstick is so nice and lasts!!!) ….. I picked myself up this chic cropped dark wash jean jacket that hits my waist at the perfect spot, and I will wear that as well. Since it is October its starting to cool down here.  I want to find a tutorial for a nice updo for my hair. Oh and I bought some earrings to go with the dress too. 

I feel like a princess getting all this stuff together… and in a good way – not a high maintenance type. It feels good to get dressed up and go some where and celebrate. 

Especially since school has been so insane. I have spent all Thursday and Friday doing school work. Today I managed to fit in some yoga and leg workouts, but other than that I spent the majority of the day… hours apon hours… rreading and studying. 

Next week I have a bunch of volunteering events that start happening, which I am looking forward to but I have no idea how I am going to manage doing all of these things

I am wondering what I could to do be more effective when it comes to reading and doing my uni work …. but I mean it is my last year of my undergrad, I should know how to be more effective…. But what really doesnt help is that after so much reading my brain kinda shuts off and I will “read” something but have to reread it multiple times when the exam approaches 

Its thanksgiving weekend here now… we have already gone through a costco sized pumpin pie, and we have another one waiting to be eaten this weekend. hehehe

Speaking of eating, I think I have been messing up lately in regards to eating enough. Actually, I know i have been. I have completely skipped  my period this past month, and I am pretty sure its because I didnt eat enough, which sounds crazy and I hate writing that out, but it’s the truth. 

I have difficulty sometimes with figuring out how much to eat . Having a history of being over 250+ pounds , and then  losing over a hundred pounds by  doing extreme calorie counting sometimes makes me very unsure of what to do.

Some months are great, with regular periods, weight stability, eating to hunger cues, istening to my body, acceptance, peace, grace, love… other months are difficult… with mental restriction, not listening to hunger cues, missed periods, anxiety, and fear. 

I was actually doing REALLY WELL for like 6 months… … getting my periods regularly and not restricting… and enjoying things… but then I went to Orlando for a month and a half and gained 7 pounds and when I got home I was panicked to get the weight off.

But the best part is that I have the power to change and make things better.

This week I have been eating more, fueling myself, not working out when I am tired…. and I sm starting to feel better, and I already know that my body is responding positively to it. 

I just have to stay positive, and take care of myself. 

I am so looking forward to this wedding, thanksgiving, and giving back through volunteering/mentoring