Did I bring the cold with me?

Okay, so my last post was about the health thing that I had been experiencing for awhile. I was very reluctant to start taking the anti-depressants that the Gyno prescribed (for pain sensors misfiring), just because I didn’t know what the effects would be. I was afraid I would be a walking zombie. I actually started them before my exams were over… which was a little risky… but I am so happy that I did that. I have not been tired because of them, and they have progressively reduced the pain and discomfort. So now I don’t even feel pain as I move or sit. I am still taking a break from working out, but its okay, it’s christmas time anyways 😉
The only thing that these pills have done as a side effect, is that they have made it extremely difficult to go to the bathroom (TMI??).. Which has made me bloated and slightly uncomfortable in my bowels, but at least no pain and I can move.
I have almost 2 weeks left of the pills.

I am in Orlando now, I got here Friday afternoon. My boyfriend took Friday off to pick me up and spend the evening with me. When I got here we got sonic (my fave) and exchanged presents. I got a Guess purse from him, and for our anniversary a couple months ago he got me a guess wallet, so now I have things that go together!! I got him a crossfit gym membership – he wanted it, I wasn’t rude and trying to get him to workout, lol – and some special oreos we have in Canada that he likes (AND I FLEW HERE, thats a present too, hahaha). Friday evening was an absolute disaster, I had woken up at 5:30 in the morning, drove to 2 hours, got on a plane for 3.5 hours… I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and something happened in the evening that sent me over the edge emotionally… An accident happened — not a car accident or anything. But I handled it, and I hope everything will be okay. Friday evening by the time it was 10 pm I just crashed out in bed.

Saturday and Sunday my boyfriend worked at his part time job (and put in his 2 weeks notice of quitting!!!! Its going to be so great when he is finally done working there on the weekends).
So on Saturday I went out with his mom and aunt shopping… Which was fun, I didn’t get anything for myself. However I did find something for my momma. She’s been looking for this one seasoning, and I finally found it!!! It will be an unexpected stocking stuffer 🙂

Sunday (yesterday), I went to this Church event at my boyfriend’s dad’s church… It was this big thing where 4 other churches came to their church, and there was singing, dancing, food, visiting.
The concert itself was over 3 hours long, but afterwards, we got to eat cake, food, and visit.

I know quite a few people because I met some Church people in the summer. It felt great to catch up with everyone. There is a 18 year old who I met in the summer and she was about to start college and was extremely nervous for it, so I got to see how her semester went and everything. And the KIDS, oh the KIDS, they remembered me and they were so excited when I asked them about certain things they told me in the summer “YOU REMEMBERED?!?”. Adorable.

The food was amazing, of course. And the cake… oh the cake was great. And don’t get me started on the green beans. Someone must’ve put crack in them because I could eat plate fulls of them. I’m sure it was probably just butter, salt and garlic, but honestly I have never had such amazing green beans.

In the summer I remember being quite nervous because in all these Church events I was the only white person, and I didn’t know how I would be received…. But you know what? Everyone in the church is very friendly. I wasn’t treated any differently

So last night I wasn’t even nervous about it, because I KNEW I would be the only white person, but I also knew that it would go just fine.
I am not used to such racial segregation (for lack of better words?????) in Canada, so thats why I am never quite sure what to expect here in Florida.

This year I have continued mentoring inner city kids in my city, and I think that has really helped me grow as a person, and to develop good leadership roles and to be able to communicate effectively with children.

Now I am sitting in the real estate office my boyfriend works in, and waiting for a meeting to happen. It was supposed to start in 2 minutes, but the guy said he would be 10 minutes late.

Later today we are going to see this couple who I havent seen in a whole year. I really like them, and it’s funny because she is white and he is black (like my bf n I)… But she is similar to me, and her husband is similar to my boyfriend… So all of us get along really well. They JUST had their second baby…. 3 days ago…. and they already invited us over for DINNER. I was shocked when my bf told me that they invited us over so soon. But I guess since I am only in for a week, they really wanted to get together??

Tomorrow we have a christmas get together to go to. I’m bringing cookies n cream fudge that I made back home… and will probably pick up some sugar cookies from the store (because it’s hard to bake when you are not in your own house/kitchen)… the bf is making chicken (of course).

And it’s very cold here. I thought I would be able to handle it, but it is COLD. Not as cold as it is back home, but I am used to it being hot here!!!!

Long post, I hope everyone else is well 🙂

(In)compatible

Compatible or incompatible????

Damn it.

So I’ve been in Orlando for a week now. To say that things have been rocky may be an understatement.

I don’t know what is wrong or who is doing what.
However I did realize
– I yell
– he needs a thousand things happening at once
– I like to give individual things attention
– I care about family
– he doesn’t care to appease anyone
– I am interdependent
– he is independent
– I am emotionally charged
– he is mellow
– I am caring towards myself
– he is negative and worrisome about himself
– for jokes, I like puns
– for jokes, he likes to confuse people
– I like outside
– he likes inside
– I smile
– he “smiles”
– I am understanding
– he is understanding
– I can be malicious
– he can see the situation
– I like being called nicknames
– he feels awkward with nicknames
Etc

I mean, we do have similarities…… But this past week has been questionable.

I think long distance is sometimes easier when you’re apart than when you’re together. Getting used to each other is HARD. It’s hard to admit that we basically have a “pseudo” relationship

This guy is pissing me off…… Yet he is bringing happiness and joy to me as well.
What are relationships supposed to be like anyways???

I’ve gone through yelling, crying, pouting, laughing, smiling, cheering, jumping up and down, being disappointed, feeling alone, feeling loved, feeling taken care of, etc….. They are very polar emotions

In some ways I feel like I am a battle field full of land mines……. And he is walking around and getting blown up from these land mines periodically…… And I don’t know how many more he can take until he decides this is a battle not meant for him.

Other times I feel like he is a hot mess and I’m just having to swim around with him in his mess wondering when I’ll drown.

I guess that humans are messy…… And when two humans come together, you have to deal with each other and their messes.

I feel like maybe we disagree on so much.

We will see…. We will see.

When him and I are out, or with friends, we are a good couple. Admirable even. We work together and it’s very enjoyable.
But for some reason when we are alone it’s different? Not completely bad or good.

It would be waaaaay different if I lived here, or at least had my own space and usual things from home. And if I had a car and a goal to work towards.

I’m so tired. I need some sleep.

Florida, sonic, doughnuts, shopping

So I have no clue when the last time I posted was…. but now I am home from my two week trip to florida. It was a good trip, I went with my family so it seemed a bit more stressful than usual, especially since I am used to going by myself. My aunt from oregon also flew down for three nights and that was interesting as well…. I hadn’t seen her in yeeeears, and I feel kind of abandoned by her? I am not sure if that is the right word. But even after her visit, I still feel jaded from her. Owell, I guess I have to work through that…

It was nice visiting my boyfriend with my family there though, he got to eat my moms cooking, spend time with my fam, go to the beach with us, etc. It was especially nice that we had a rental house to stay in… and it was fantastic having our own pool. I even got a bit of a tan.

When I left home it was still all brown and gross outside (and still cold from the winter that seemed to never end!!) but now that I am home everything is now nice and green…. I love seeing the green grass

I’ve been home for just under a week now, I went to the farmers market summer opening on Saturday and picked up some honey, spatezel, and a little plant…. But man oh man, I find people in this province so unfriendly at times!!! It is so different here than it is in Florida!!

I start my summer classes on June 2nd, so I have a couple days to relax still… I got sick at the end of my trip in orlando, and I am still getting over it now… Thank God I didnt first get sick during the first week of classes.

I go back to orlando July 2, which means I get to spend Canada day in Canada and 4th of July in America! Best of both worlds 🙂
My boyfriend and I have yet to make plans for 4th of july, but even if it’s just us having a BBQ I know we will have a good time. especially since he already booked off of work for me 🙂 🙂

This past trip to orlando I got to see a bunch of his and I’s friends and it was soooo great!!!! He has some of the greatest friends ever. I was afraid I wouldnt get to see many of our friends because of my family being down as well, and because of the location of the rental house.

We went to the beach twice… Once to Daytona and once to Treasure Island. We own two sets of snorkles, so when we were in Treasure Island we were able to snorkle around and that was incredible… and incredibly freaky. You never knew what you would end up seeing down there.

All I ended up seeing were small shells and a beer can… my dad on the other hand ended up seeing a large crab and some tropical looking fish?!?!?! We got the snorkles from costco and I am actually very impressed with how well they worked.

In Daytona we went to that large flea market there, it was my 2nd time going but my mom had never been so I took her there. Of course I had to get her a funnel cake, I love those things… and so did my family. We also picked up some dips.

We got Krispy Kreme doughnuts… TWICE… a dozen of them each time. And SONIC!!! Oh man I loooove sonic. We dont have sonic here!!! I got my fair share of sonic though, and I’ll be back in July for more sonic

However, even with all the doughnuts and sonic, I still didn’t go crazy…. I controlled myself, indulged myself, ate healthy, ate not so healthy…. I enjoyed myself and I don’t feel like I gained 10 pounds. Its been over two months now that I have stopped calorie counting… some days I still feel anxiety over eating, but day by day it gets somewhat easier.

I spent more on this trip than any other… Mainly because there were things I actually wanted!!!
I got a curling iron, salon quality, for only $26!! I hit the jackpot because it is perfect for me and in Canada the same iron was over 2x that price.
I also ended up getting a Guess wallet from the outlets, I have been on the search for a new guess wallet for the last couple years, but I hadn’t found one I liked, and now I finally did!
I purchased a bunch of dresses from Ross and they are so cute and summery, I can’t wait to wear them again and again!!!
Oh and my biggest purchase was an iPad mini… They are like $300 here in Canada, and our tax is 13% here in Manitoba… and we have to pay an environmental fee when we buy electronics…. However I got my ipad in the states for $249, didn’t pay an environmental fee and paid nearly half the tax!! It was way more beneficial to purchase it in the states, even with the conversion rates between currencies.

I’m typing from my ipad right now, yesterday my grandma bought me a case for it that has a keyboard on it, so I can use it for uni….. She is far too kind. I love her to pieces.

So yes, life is good.

All these 4 am posts

Yoohoooo! Good morning! Or is it good evening?? 😉

It’s good evening for me, because I have yet to sleep. During the holidays I get in such a bad sleep cycle where I go to bed at 5 am and wake up at 1 pm…. I’ve been doing this since grade 8!!!!! I’m a natural night owl.

Funny thing is that for the first week of holidays I was in Orlando and was waking up at 8:30 am and going to sleep around midnight…. So I did have a “normal” sleep pattern then.

What’s even funnier is that everyone in my house is up until 4 am with me. We are all night owls.

What’s been going on with me?
Well I’ve been enjoying a nice lazy week. Today I went to the university to talk to the academic advisor. Turns out that I don’t need macro economics……. HALLEJUAH! I did not want to take it. I had enough with taking micro.

In the next two weeks I’ll be booking plane tickets for May to Orlando. I will be there for two weeks. Yippee!! That’s something to look forward to after the semester is over. But then in June I plan on taking two summer courses…. And then I plan on going back to Orlando mid July and spending a month there. Sounds great to me.

I’ve been home for nearly two weeks now… I miss the Florida skies and the lizards… The greenery and the people.

However…. This holiday season I gained 9.5 pounds. UGH! I’m sure some of that is water weight… I’ll check my weight in a couple days, because I refuse to get on the scale more than once a week. I’m back to working out though, my eating is still a little wonky… But I’m getting there!!

I have a goal to walk/run 100km in January. I have completed 10.8 km so far, idk if this is a realistic goal to do every month…. Because I enjoy doing other workouts, other than walking/running…. And I have to study, volunteer and clean while accomplishing it.

I’m going to accomplish it for January and see if it’s something I want to continue. I’m trying to get as many kilometers in as possible before university starts back up Monday.

🙂 goodnight.

Micro feelings

Micro feelings…..

I have my microeconomics final in a little over 12 hours. A Saturday exam from 6-9pm! How fun! Hahaha. I cannot wait to be done with this course, but I’m feeling quite stressed about the final. I’ve been studying for over a week now, so I hope that helps me out.

I’ve been having these little feelings lately that told me I wasn’t being true to myself. Through something I had done and continued to do. I was not being me. So I addressed that, finally. And became honest and open about it to who I had to say it to. So that felt better.

Once and awhile I have feelings of inferiority come up. I have worked so hard to be body positive, to love and accept my body.
To accept my body, and the consequences of losing over 115 pounds. But sometimes the loose skin taunts me, reminds me that I’ll never have the body that a normal 19 year old would have at this weight.
These are my battle scars. But sometimes it makes me feel like bruised fruit at the grocery store.

I can easily accept my battle scars, but others won’t and don’t. I know, I know “who cares what others think”.
Its just the once and awhile “bruised fruit” feeling that hurts sometimes. It makes me so sad.

I wouldn’t even consider skin removal surgery though. I’d rather accept myself for what I am, then pay thousands of dollars and deal with an unnecessary surgery.
Someone I’m close to makes comments about my skin, or, they used to… Until I told them to stop. But sometimes their words come back to me…. It’s one thing to think things about yourself, it’s another thing to have others voice the things you think. That means you’re not your worst critic sometimes.

Honestly, my skin doesn’t even look THAT bad. I think it would be SUCH a waste to have skin removal surgery on me.

I’ve worn a bikini with my skin too! It was an interesting experience. Not because I was self conscious, but because the top kept falling all over and I got so sunburnt in places I have never gotten burnt. After wearing a bikini once, I said never again.

Ontop of having loose skin, I also have very white skin that burns. So bikinis are no go. Hahah. I don’t get the hype!! They are hard to swim in.

But I love and accept myself. It’s a process. Day by day. But for the most part, my loose skin doesn’t stop me from loving myself, accepting myself, or being confident.

I’m going to Florida in just over a week. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m not quite excited for it. I usually am so excited…. Maybe it’s because I have three finals left to write. Idk.

I made fudge the other day, the starting of my Christmas baking. Cookies n creme fudge. The best!! It was the third time I’ve made it…. And it is the best yet! It gets better each time I make it. I love that stuff. I made it to bring with me to Florida.

Tomorrow, 6 of my cousins and I are baking and decorating sugar cookies. A Christmas tradition. We decorate cookies all day, then order pizza and play games. I’m soooo looking forward to it.