Micro feelings…..
I have my microeconomics final in a little over 12 hours. A Saturday exam from 6-9pm! How fun! Hahaha. I cannot wait to be done with this course, but I’m feeling quite stressed about the final. I’ve been studying for over a week now, so I hope that helps me out.
I’ve been having these little feelings lately that told me I wasn’t being true to myself. Through something I had done and continued to do. I was not being me. So I addressed that, finally. And became honest and open about it to who I had to say it to. So that felt better.
Once and awhile I have feelings of inferiority come up. I have worked so hard to be body positive, to love and accept my body.
To accept my body, and the consequences of losing over 115 pounds. But sometimes the loose skin taunts me, reminds me that I’ll never have the body that a normal 19 year old would have at this weight.
These are my battle scars. But sometimes it makes me feel like bruised fruit at the grocery store.
I can easily accept my battle scars, but others won’t and don’t. I know, I know “who cares what others think”.
Its just the once and awhile “bruised fruit” feeling that hurts sometimes. It makes me so sad.
I wouldn’t even consider skin removal surgery though. I’d rather accept myself for what I am, then pay thousands of dollars and deal with an unnecessary surgery.
Someone I’m close to makes comments about my skin, or, they used to… Until I told them to stop. But sometimes their words come back to me…. It’s one thing to think things about yourself, it’s another thing to have others voice the things you think. That means you’re not your worst critic sometimes.
Honestly, my skin doesn’t even look THAT bad. I think it would be SUCH a waste to have skin removal surgery on me.
I’ve worn a bikini with my skin too! It was an interesting experience. Not because I was self conscious, but because the top kept falling all over and I got so sunburnt in places I have never gotten burnt. After wearing a bikini once, I said never again.
Ontop of having loose skin, I also have very white skin that burns. So bikinis are no go. Hahah. I don’t get the hype!! They are hard to swim in.
But I love and accept myself. It’s a process. Day by day. But for the most part, my loose skin doesn’t stop me from loving myself, accepting myself, or being confident.
I’m going to Florida in just over a week. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m not quite excited for it. I usually am so excited…. Maybe it’s because I have three finals left to write. Idk.
I made fudge the other day, the starting of my Christmas baking. Cookies n creme fudge. The best!! It was the third time I’ve made it…. And it is the best yet! It gets better each time I make it. I love that stuff. I made it to bring with me to Florida.
Tomorrow, 6 of my cousins and I are baking and decorating sugar cookies. A Christmas tradition. We decorate cookies all day, then order pizza and play games. I’m soooo looking forward to it.
xraindropsonroses 